


A Different Taint

by DragonxFox



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Ezekiel | Gadreel Possessing Sam Winchester, season nine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-06
Updated: 2013-12-06
Packaged: 2018-01-24 05:21:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1593038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonxFox/pseuds/DragonxFox





	A Different Taint

Sam’s sitting in the bunker’s library, reading up on beserkers, of all things, because he can’t think of anything to do. Kevin’s got himself locked in his room and his brother went off to find Cas.

Heck, he hasn’t seen Cas in a while. He hasn’t really been out of the bunker in a while, either, but Dean keeps telling him it’s for his own good.

"Come on, Sam," he’d say, almost always the exact same way nowadays, "you need your rest, man. After those trials, you just. You gotta trust me, ok?"

And Sam really doesn’t need Dean reminding him of the trials so damn often. It’s not like he wasn’t there. It was painful and it took a lot out of him, sure, but it was the closest he’d felt, in so long, really, to being clean - not just physically or emotionally clean, either - he means clean in a way that’s escaped him most of his life.

He didn’t feel tainted by the YED’s blood running through his veins. He couldn’t remember the taste of any demon blood. He no longer had nightmares or pain from his time locked in the cage - and what a miracle that was. He didn’t miss Jess or Sarah or any of the other women he’d come across. The pain from losing Dean, oh god, Dean no or Dad or Bobby or Jo or Ellen or Ash or Jess or Sarah or so many others who had the misfortune of crossing the Winchester’s paths.

There was a way out of all this, finally. The trials were purifying him. And yet, at the last minute, right when he got through to Crowley - Crowley, the King of Hell - Dean burst in.

Dean, with his too-caring eyes and hard-set mouth. The unyielding righteous man who would never, ever let Sam, his little brother, do something like this. And, damn it, Dean, because he was so close. He could taste forgiveness, almost had it, too.

But Dean asked him not to. Dean begged him not to. And no matter how angry he is at Dad for ingraining this horrid need inside Dean to protect Sam, Sam’s just as useless when it comes to his brother. Which is, of course, why he agreed.

And why, of course, he ended up with Dean being a mother hen months after he didn’t finish the trials.

But Dean’s been acting strange ever since those trials. Yeah, the angels got kicked out of Heaven. And Cas, their one trusted angel, is more human than most, now. Crowley’s been glaring at everything that doesn’t move while nearly smiling whenever they walk into his room. Kevin’s been driving himself insane trying to reverse it all and Sam’s been a good little brother, hiding in the bunker and hardly daring to pick up anything heavier than an old tome in front of Dean.

Because Dean would probably throw a horrid fit about Sam needing to rest.

"Come on, man, what are you lugging around these things for?"

or

"Dude, resting does not mean trying to carry half the Letters of Men’s books to your room so you can geek out in private, ok?"

And when he’d lean into Dean, his brother wouldn’t smile like he used to. Now he got that awkward look he reserved for people in bars - the ones he wasn’t interested in - and it cut him even more each time it happened.

It seemed as if, for some reason, Dean had only wanted him when Sam wasn’t as close to clean as he is now. He’s damaged to hell, he knows that, but the trials helped. Even though he’s weak, and has random gaps in his memory, Sam doesn’t feel the same amount of taint he once had to live with.

They’d talked about things a long time ago. And sure, Dean was a little awkward after purgatory, but then he came back to himself. Heck, Dean ended up wanting things differently than before. Became more intense about everything. And after, when all was done and they were catching their breaths, Dean broke down.

He broke down, hands weakly clutching Sam’s hip as the tears began to spill. It was slow, at first; Dean, cursing himself and turning away when it all began, then turning towards Sam, cursing him for not leaving. Cursing himself for wanting his brother, for making them both so twisted that they needed this.

He cried harder when Sam kept running his hand up and down his back, though; never pausing or hesitating, keeping the other hand steady, still wrapped around his brother’s shoulders as he remained silent. This wasn’t the time to interrupt, he knew that.

Just like he knew that when Dean quieted down, he had to tighten his hold. Because, half a second after he did, Dean tried to get up. He clawed at Sam’s sides, cursing him and trying to flip them over, growing more angry as he realized how easily Sam had him trapped.

When he bit Sam’s chest, though, it sort of didn’t work the way he planned. Because Sam’s hold did loosen a little, but his hips automatically rose up, pressing them together as he hissed out a breath. And when Dean remained frozen, caught between lashing out, not wanting to hurt Sam more, and knowing what biting did to Sam, Sam rolled his hips up again, licking his lips as he stared at his brother.

Which is what, inevitably, caused all this, he guesses. Because, while they’d talked about how crazy they drove each other and how much they needed one another, they hadn’t talked about much since the trials. Every time he’d tried, Dean would clam back up. Excuse himself from the room or somehow rile Sam up so much that all Sam wanted was space.

Yet even now, with all this horrid tension in his chest, with all this resentment towards himself - couldn’t save the world, let my taint continue, burdened his brother again, couldn’t even leave the bunker for long without feeling lightheaded - he knew that this would never stop.

He would always want his brother.

He would always want Dean.

Even though he knew now, just how little his brother wanted him.


End file.
